In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
