I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
