i jhust puked up my retainher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
