i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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