I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So many bounce houses so little time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
