this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize