Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
