the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im holly from the hills drunk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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