I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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