Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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