Apparently you make a good broom.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's just like the Real World with babies
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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