I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
