Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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