He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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