Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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