I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So vagazzling was a success
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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