in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm always down for nudity.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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