everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
