I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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