Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize