How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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