Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
