I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
