Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
