i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
