like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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