she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
