But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
