i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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