I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
