I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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