i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
