now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
