if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
