i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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