You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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