i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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