I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
