I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
