sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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