My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
