I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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