Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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