Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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