k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
