We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
