so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
