great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
