i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
