Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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