I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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