Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
