Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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