I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
