just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
