Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
