i think my tv is drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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