Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
