im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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