Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
