He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i think i have two assholes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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