i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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