I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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