He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
