Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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