i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
