i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
